The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.-Steel Magnolias

Thursday, February 3, 2011

And the Winner of the Bad Mom Award goes to.....

Me.  That is all there is to it.
For those of you just joining us (welcome first of all), I'm Lise.  I took over the care of my MIL who has Alzheimers and various other things that go along with it.  I have appreciated all the support here and the praise I received at home for the great job I was doing with Ida and what a amazing caregiver I was.....hmmm.  So why the award?  Well, lets get to the outfit first.  Joy and I haven't seen each other for a few days and so I had one of my kids take pictures.  It turns out that my 9 year old daughter was having an off day with the camera.  We are doing our best here ladies, ok??

Oh, look at that misery disguised as a smile. lol

What? you think I forgot to take down some Christmas decorations?
What are you talking about?  Thats crazy.
 So, I paired black and blue which, when done right, can live in beautiful harmony.  I also used a great necklace from Charming Charlies to pull it together.  The necklace/earring combo was turquoise and black which also gave the traditional boucle jacket a bit of snazz. 
Dress: BR (thrifted)
Jacket: ? PS Too (thrift store)
Jewelry: Charming Charlies ($10 on clearance and then 75% off of that!!!) Booya!

So, I am not looking particularly perky in the photos.  Why?  For a couple months I have researched and worked so hard to give my MIL a fabulous life here.  I tried so many things and most of them worked and she blossomed here.  And gave us laughter and tears.  I love IDA!!  But today I want to tell you why I get the bad mom award.  I also have 4 kids.  My 10 yr old is Josh.  He is the most gentle, loving, tender boy in the world.  He is always happy!  So I was perplexed to see him sitting all bunched up with his head in his hands.

I also see that my little man is shaking.  I pull his face to mine and he is crying.  And then I look to the ground near him.  The Pinewood Derby car.  Josh has been looking forward to this day at scouts for...well a year.
I forgot all about it.  And the conversation went like this....
Bad Mom (me):  Joooosh, baby! We have go to get to work on this!
Josh: It's too late
Me:  No lets get to work and get it done
Josh: No, its too late.
Me: When is the Pinewood Derby?
Josh: It was tonight.  We missed it.
Me: Oh no.  Why didn't you remind me?
Josh: I tried, but you were always taking care of Grandma. And she always gets worse when we get home and cries a lot and what was I supposed to do? Tell you to leave Grandma alone?  And I didn't want to stress you out and it is really hard to have her here and you are always trying to take care of her and I can tell you are really stressed out and I didn't want to make it any harder on you and I was trying not to care about my car....But I do! And I miss you being my mom!!!!

Yes, I am crying again while writing this.  And I have neglected this blog a bit the last couple days.  But we are working on a new care plan for Ida.  I can't make up the Pinewood Derby for Josh, but I held him and we cried and I realized how blessed I am for the privilege of being a Mother and having a son like Josh.

So son, this is my public apology and I think you will like the new plan in place for Ida.  I'm thinking we will go out for pizza today.  And work on your car.  Maybe I will make one for myself and we can race each other.  Mothers, aunts, grandmas and friends of people with kids.....lets take time out for the little ones that so many times in the rush of our lives, get put aside.
Josh getting buried in the sand!


  1. I have some of Beau's old pine wood derby cars. Lets get together this weekend and have a race. I know Douglas still has his and I bet a bunch of my other nephews have theirs too. Let's do this thang! You are not a bad mom by the way! You are teaching them a valuable lesson in Christ-like love and service. One day they will remember this when they are taking care of you. Kisses to all.

  2. You know why you are NOT a bad mom?

    Because a bad mom wouldn't have heard her son at all.

    Or she would have heard everything he said and done nothing about it.

    YOU are a wonderful mother, as evidenced by your wonderful son and the fact that he cares so deeply for you, and you for him.

    YOU are doing the best you can. You're a wonderful mother, a wonderful person, and you are beautiful. Always.

  3. When you're a mom and with the additional duties you have I can't think of a day when you can go get into the tub with some good smelling stuff, light candles, turn down the lights and say "Done". I certainly don't remember that happening when I had kids at home. I'm sorry you forgot the derby, and I know you feel bad. That is just part of parenting I think. Even with lists I forgot stuff- like where the lists were. But it does sound as if you love your kids totally and that is the best thing you can give them.

  4. (((hugs)))

    We have all been there, in one way or another.

    You are NOT a bad mom.

  5. You are NOT a bad mom!!! We all get busy and forget stuff. It does not mean we are bad parents. You setting such a good example for kids by taking care of your MIL. It's hard when you do disappoint one of your kids, but it sound slike you've got a great son that understands the importance of caring for his grandma. You are doing a great job! And you are a GREAT mother!!!!

  6. Leah: I love that idea! How cool that your husband still has his derby car! He will be thrilled and we will get to work on his car asap!

  7. Oh Lise, I am crying now reading this. It's so hard to be all things to all people. Bless your heart. You have had so much on your plate- it's emotionally exhausting - I know how you feel. Your little boy sounds incredibly sweet and caring and thoughtful - all things he learned from his Mother!! You are a good Mom! Enjoy your day together.

  8. Melissa: What great words of comfort. Thank you so much!

    Judy: Great advice and you also made me laugh! I am a listmaker also and worry that some day I will lose "the list".

    rskmom: I LOVE hugs! thank you! That was so sweet!

  9. Awwww. Your son will forgive you because he knows just how much you love him!

    Love the statement necklace!

  10. I agree with Melissa. A bad mom wouldn't have listened to her son.

    I love turquoise! I feel like it can almost go with anything. Well, my mother-in-law pretty much wears it with everything, so goes with everything.

  11. I'm crying too. You are truly blessed to have a son like Josh. Don't be too hard on yourself. You are the reason he is such a good good boy.
    wish I could hug him too

  12. Aw, Lise, you are SO up there on the "Good Mom" list! Seriously, your kids (Grant) are so lucky to have you!

    PS: Love the outfit, as always!

  13. Awww!! I just want to hug both of you!!

    I'm glad you got that necklace. It looks great!

  14. The proof that you are a wonderful mother comes in your son's understanding and kindness regarding your responsibilities to your MIL; a wise and compassionate 10-year-old doesn't just happen. I am so impressed by how courageously and graciously you have handled this big change in your life.

  15. Aw sweetie. You don't deserve a bad mom award. Your son may be disappointed that the derby came and went but he'll grow up knowing compassion and kindness.

    Plus, it sounds like your friends are rallying for a fun derby part II! Think of what a neat time and memory you'll have from that.

  16. Josh deserves a gold plated derby car. I find my own eyes moist at the care he was showing for you. And the bravery he showed in sharing his frustration with you. You BOTH deserve a "good kid" award.

  17. Lise, I am so so sorry that this incident happened. We can be our own worst enemy and beat ourselves up pretty bad. Having the conversation with your son showed him that you do care and love him.
    we all have disappointments in life unfortunately and this is just one of those times
    stop beating yourself up and plan something fun for the two of you to do.
    my boys are 17 and 19, i promise they are resilient and bounce back!
    sending some smiles your way

  18. ah, as Julie, Terri, and The Suburb Experiment point out, this young man didn't develop his maturity and compassion all by himself. It's pretty powerful, the way he understands that other people have needs more pressing than his own, that his grandma needs his mother more than he does right now. he's got guts and wisdom - give him a hug from me! it sounds like he's had a great heart all along and knows where he wants to go - but he needs parents to show him how to get there.

    on the mundane level, we had a HUGE calendar growing up (3' x 4', no pictures, all days), and things still got flummoxed! well, this isn't the planet of perfect - all we can do is our best and try to keep the lines of communication open! good luck with your new plan and take care, steph

  19. What Julie and Tinyjunco said... I will say a prayer for you and your family tonight. Balancing is hard.

    Love the outfit, and I see nothing wrong with your daughter's pictures.

  20. This almost made me cry:( This has got to be so tough for you, but just trying to juggle it all makes you a rockstar!! Love you!

  21. OH my!!! I want you to know that Josh sat down with me and we read this together and he read your comments! wow! He was so happy and laughed and hugged me and we sat there together for a few minutes before he said "this is the best day ever". Thanks to ALL of you for your comments. It has been humbling and uplifting.

  22. You have an exceptionally mature child...he has already realized that the world does not revolve around him and he is sensitive to the needs of others. That it in itself is wonderful. Hmmm, sounds like you have been doing something very right!

  23. I cried reading this. While I know you aren't a bad mom, I think we've all had moments like this. As women and mothers, we are stretched 10 ways to Sundays. We wear so many hats that sometimes things happen and by the time we realize it, we've deemed ourselves the "bad mom".

    Chin up Lise. This is going to hurt you a lot longer than it does Josh.